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I Go Insane

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My thoughts of you run like the rain

Yet I can’t quench the fiery pain

That sears into my heart and mind

That I will one day wake to find you’ve gone

So I sit here and go insane

At the thought of losing you again

Just when we chose to stay together

I try to push these thoughts away

And focus on the fact that today

You are here and that you’ll stay forever

But I have lost you once before

And the pain from that is so much more

Than I can stand to bear

And I wonder if you care

Half as much as me and if possibly

The crack inside our dam could break

From the impact of my mistake

But it’s a chance we chose to take

For all the love that we both make

But things will never be the same

And that is why I go insane

©Kay Salady

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My Love,

Set free your desire

That I may taste of passion

Give in to me now

Before you lose this moment

By surrendering to fear

©Kay Salady

Stunted

Within this darkness

The bitterness of memory

Steps in again to taunt me

Yanking at these chains

The links of which remain

Past incantations spoken

Past every single token

With water from the wells

Of his cathedral

This Father came to save me

But you know how fathers can be

When brothers leave the room

Of little girls in bloom

It isn’t rare

For those who dare

Those living tools of Satan

While others are debating

To do the same

For their own gain

While flowers in the attic

Appear to be combative

Rocking to and fro

Steady as you go

Never will you grow

Steady as you go

Rocking to and fro

©Kay Salady

Unto My Path

When all hope was lost

I saw you in the darkness

Reaching out for me

To muster up the courage

To rely on words in red

©Kay Salady

City of Strangers

Old age is an island surrounded by death . . . 

Foreign to myself

In this foreign land

I fear my own reflection 

I run toward the light 

Only to find darkness

For I sought solace

In empty arms

That reach to touch

No one
©Kay Salady

The Cadence

the-cadence

Tonight the paltry veil of sleep
Lifted from this dreamer’s keep
As steady pulses in my ears
Stabbed me with a sense of fear
Evening shadows took my breath
Once again the hand of death
Had brushed me with a pasty pallor
Somewhere inside an ominous hour
Whence I gazed at my reflection
Having had no recollection
Of the image that I faced
As trembling fingers reached to trace
The hollow that I felt inside
Gripping me both far and wide
Deep within my heartbeat sang
A dirge of death – its cadence rang
Foreboding

©Kay Salady

Conflicted

Conflicted

I think of all that it could be
To lie with him so close to me
To feel his lips upon my skin
Tasting me yet once again
My fingertips outline the face
Of one whom I long to embrace
Through endless nights in solitude
I see his eyes beneath a moon
That we would share had I said yes
Yet I suffer to digress
Away from love for fear of pain
Now I am standing in the rain
When sunlight falls upon the man
Who reaches out to take my hand
As I stand trembling all alone
Wanting him to take me home
Yet once again I answer no
I am conflicted even though
I love him

©Kay Salady

Reclusive

Reclusive

I never see reality because the girl inside of me
Lives in a world where shadows descend
Along the mayhem that never ends inside my mind
So long ago, a planted seed
By fingertips that had the need to do such harm
To instill fear
Still waters weeds whose roots are here
Gripping me with fright
And even though I know you’re dead
I feel the pain and I have bled
A thousand times or more
I fear to leave my sanctity
Because your goddamned memory
Grips me by the throat
And should I feel your burning eyes
Within a crowd of passersby, come déjà vu
I fear that I may lose my mind
Dear god, that feeling’s too unkind
What would I do
Much better I should stay inside
Much better I not lose my mind
I think I’ll curl into a ball
Remaining very, very small
In fact, I just might disappear
So no one knows that I am here
At all

©Kay Salady

Dissociative

 

Dissociative

Deep within my core
There lies a gaping wound
Hidden in the darkness
Each layer of the sin
Like an onion skin
Exposes such fragility
I picked and peeled away
Revealing pain today
Much too much to bear
Depleted, fell to rest
As the center of my chest
Imploded
I dreamt of battered walls
Running ashen down the halls
With those who tore my flesh
Those who should love me best
Then awoke crippled with fear
For death was very near
And I could smell him
Yes, I could smell him
Racked with so much pain
I trembled yet again
As I had done before
Feeling small and insecure
Oh, what a pity
What have you done to me
And why can I not see
The reasons why

©Kay Salady

Darts

Darts
Another day has started
They all seem like the rest
I can’t recall the things I’ve done
It’s such an awful test
To see if I remember
The things that I should do
A swallowed pill the dog a bill
I think I may have flu
I always feel so tired
As soon as I awake
The doctor phoned
To let me know
Another thing’s at stake
With this worn-out body
That can’t seem to withstand
All that it’s been given
Too many a demand
 
©Kay Salady