Blog Archives

City of Strangers

Old age is an island surrounded by death . . . 

Foreign to myself

In this foreign land

I fear my own reflection 

I run toward the light 

Only to find darkness

For I sought solace

In empty arms

That reach to touch

No one
©Kay Salady

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The Cadence

the-cadence

Tonight the paltry veil of sleep
Lifted from this dreamer’s keep
As steady pulses in my ears
Stabbed me with a sense of fear
Evening shadows took my breath
Once again the hand of death
Had brushed me with a pasty pallor
Somewhere inside an ominous hour
Whence I gazed at my reflection
Having had no recollection
Of the image that I faced
As trembling fingers reached to trace
The hollow that I felt inside
Gripping me both far and wide
Deep within my heartbeat sang
A dirge of death – its cadence rang
Foreboding

©Kay Salady

Conflicted

Conflicted

I think of all that it could be
To lie with him so close to me
To feel his lips upon my skin
Tasting me yet once again
My fingertips outline the face
Of one whom I long to embrace
Through endless nights in solitude
I see his eyes beneath a moon
That we would share had I said yes
Yet I suffer to digress
Away from love for fear of pain
Now I am standing in the rain
When sunlight falls upon the man
Who reaches out to take my hand
As I stand trembling all alone
Wanting him to take me home
Yet once again I answer no
I am conflicted even though
I love him

©Kay Salady

Reclusive

Reclusive

I never see reality because the girl inside of me
Lives in a world where shadows descend
Along the mayhem that never ends inside my mind
So long ago, a planted seed
By fingertips that had the need to do such harm
To instill fear
Still waters weeds whose roots are here
Gripping me with fright
And even though I know you’re dead
I feel the pain and I have bled
A thousand times or more
I fear to leave my sanctity
Because your goddamned memory
Grips me by the throat
And should I feel your burning eyes
Within a crowd of passersby, come déjà vu
I fear that I may lose my mind
Dear god, that feeling’s too unkind
What would I do
Much better I should stay inside
Much better I not lose my mind
I think I’ll curl into a ball
Remaining very, very small
In fact, I just might disappear
So no one knows that I am here
At all

©Kay Salady

Dissociative

 

Dissociative

Deep within my core
There lies a gaping wound
Hidden in the darkness
Each layer of the sin
Like an onion skin
Exposes such fragility
I picked and peeled away
Revealing pain today
Much too much to bear
Depleted, fell to rest
As the center of my chest
Imploded
I dreamt of battered walls
Running ashen down the halls
With those who tore my flesh
Those who should love me best
Then awoke crippled with fear
For death was very near
And I could smell him
Yes, I could smell him
Racked with so much pain
I trembled yet again
As I had done before
Feeling small and insecure
Oh, what a pity
What have you done to me
And why can I not see
The reasons why

©Kay Salady

Darts

Darts
Another day has started
They all seem like the rest
I can’t recall the things I’ve done
It’s such an awful test
To see if I remember
The things that I should do
A swallowed pill the dog a bill
I think I may have flu
I always feel so tired
As soon as I awake
The doctor phoned
To let me know
Another thing’s at stake
With this worn-out body
That can’t seem to withstand
All that it’s been given
Too many a demand
 
©Kay Salady

What Blood Will Pass

What Blood Will Pass

The glistening sun melts the flesh protruding from her bra

As beads of sweat come trickling down I’ve scratched my temples raw

My dried out tongue longs to sip the waters from her skin

This rose is mine despite the thorns I know I will dive in

The knife that I endow will soon be running through her thighs

And as I tear at her soft flesh I’ll look into her eyes

Mary’s lips give me breath and Mary’s lips give me life

The sound of my lamb’s forlorn screams renew this captor’s strife

I took her to my castle deep in the center of the wood

A bloody Mary cracked by whip I’d covered with a hood

Laid upon the supper table a sacrifice divine

I’ll do my bid I’ll do my will with what I know is mine

Oh how I savor the smell of fear as it courses through each vein

Sweet breath so close begins to quicken her eyes on fire with pain

My fingertips dig into flesh so supple and so sweet

I penetrate with my cold pain I penetrate complete

Again again I thrust to bring the only warmth I know

To sacrifice my forlorn lamb and make her sweet blood flow

A heavy hand had hidden the way to Mary’s maddening screams

Oh god her eyes froze in surprise I’ve silenced her it seems

What to do with my lamb now that she has gone away

Perhaps I’ll keep her as my toy for something which to play

But she’s grown silent and so still I find I have no strength

From Mary now it is my vow to go and search at length

For another lamb who is much sweeter than the rest

With fleece so white pure and clean whose blood will pass the test

©Kay Salady

The Edge

The Edge

Hours move as seconds

When entranced by sweet emotion

Waiting on the edge of hope

To fall into your kiss

Softly urging timid hands

To gather yours in mine

Captivated by the rapture

Of my longed-for lullaby

It urges me to fly with wings

So broken by my fall

Wanting to surrender

Every fear I have at all

The song I hear you singing

Makes me feel that I’m alive

You take me to a place

I want to be for all my life

Inside the shadow of your smile

Persuading me to soar

Assuring me that I won’t be

So broken anymore

©Kay Salady

Facing the Fall

Facing the Fall

I’ve deadened the feeling

Become deaf and dumb

Small oval pills

Are under my tongue

As I rock in forbearance

In attempt to maintain

A fear that foreshadows

Such intolerable pain

Nickels and pennies

I reap for the lack

Of satiable sweetness

That will not come back

Bitterness swallowed

Fouls up my insides

Wreaking such havoc

Until I provide

A finger to foster

All that I contain

I heave invocations

Screaming your name

Tears won’t resolve

This incessant loss

Facing the fall

Is a bridge I can’t cross

©Kay Salady

So Far Beyond this Life

So Far From this Life

Tonight, I gather thoughts

Inside the velvet stillness

As I caress the shadows

That are softly falling

In the hush of inspiration

The aura of my being

Rose up to greet the sky

Far beyond the veil

Of worldly delineation

A silence beyond words

Quickens my perception

Of knowing that I’m real

And valued in this realm

The grave that wants my flesh

And world that seeks my soul

Cannot acquire my fear

So far beyond this life

Tonight, I gather thoughts

From the far side of the veil

Knowing I am real . . .

That I shall never fail

 

©Kay Salady