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City of Strangers

Old age is an island surrounded by death . . . 

Foreign to myself

In this foreign land

I fear my own reflection 

I run toward the light 

Only to find darkness

For I sought solace

In empty arms

That reach to touch

No one
©Kay Salady

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This Age

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I stood before the crowd

Took a bow, then said out loud

I am so very proud to reach this stage

To have surpassed it all

To have soared and then to fall

For what is life at all but my own book

I wrote a chapter, flipped a page

Recalled a memory worn with age

Made the choice to risk it all

For my own good

I will not sit with sad regret

For all that I have not done yet

In this short span that has gone by

In but the blink of my own eye

As I look into the mirror

I ask myself who is in here

Do I know you, do I want to

Perhaps I do

Do I have time to unwind

All the days that were unkind

That have taken tender youth

Away from view

And do you possibly look at me

The way I see myself

I have battled and I’ve won

I have lost and come undone

Cried my tears, faced my fears and overcome

Yes, overcome

I am stronger than I know

Like a mighty tree that grows within a forest

I had been blinded by those trees

Now I can finally see me

As I stand before the crowd

Take a bow and say out loud

I am so very proud to reach this age

©Kay Salady

I Carry Regret

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Author, Kay Salady

Into the distance
imagination plummets
and I carry regret
for all that can never be
in a moment of absence.

©Kay Salady

Tuesday’s Child

Tuesday's Child

The human condition had led her to madness
Bridges were burning, the road led to sadness
The will to go on was sustained by regret
The burden she carried from years of neglect
Left potholes that caused her to stumble and fall
So weary from wondering the sense of it all
When brother to sister in hatred, were slain
And mercy had fallen to ashes again
The feet of the martyrs were caked with the soil
Bloodied by innocent flesh turned to spoil
How vacant the eyes that remained to unearth
The facts of the father, assessing his worth
When all she had wanted was peace in her heart
The human condition had torn it apart
Inside of her pocket, she carried a stone
She rubbed for some semblance of solace alone
Then with all of her might, hurled it up to the sky
So mercy might fall from the clouds that passed by
A loud clap of thunder soon answered her prayer
As down came the rain to wash every care
Compassion came pouring with grace to the ground
And she sang a new song as she danced all around
Splashing in puddles, forgetting regret
For miracles happen, yes, they happen yet
While we pray

©Kay Salady

Fade

 

i guess you must have had

too much of that wine

started to whine too much

’cause you’re torn up inside

and inside the clutch

of the alcohol

and the yesterdays

don’t know what to do

walking in a maze

of uncertainty and sad regret

responsibility

you hadn’t wanted yet

nothing seems to last

even though you try

all the endless hours

you sit alone and cry

because things aren’t the same

way that they used to be

you haven’t got a grip

on your reality

yet you want it all

the dreams that you had made

the goals that you had set

you sit and watch them fade

you sit and watch them fade

as though nothing is real

although you see yourself

you’re numb and you can’t feel

and so you cry for want

to know you’re still alive

you push away your world

and then you take a dive

into another sip

that makes it go away

you take another trip

to escape yesterday

 

©Kay Salady

 

Image Credit:  http://samiwolf13.deviantart.com/art/Fading-Away-153551487

 

Serrations *may trigger

My world starts to shrink

As I sail out to sea

Safety is drifting away from me

I’m drowning in sorrow

And writhing in pain

As I struggle to keep

From cutting again

Rust fills my mouth

Familiar and warm

Trying to keep

From doing much harm

Small indentations

Seep away stains

Painted in sin

I rid them in vain

Over and over

I try to attack

Years of regret

Remorse for the lack

That flows like a river

Deep to the core

A curse on my being

The ultimate score

I pay with my blood

I’ve paid with my mind

I lay in white dressing

That drips as they bind

Me up in a jacket

Alone in a room

Drifting in darkness

I float to the moon

©Kay Salady

Image Credit: http://rebloggy.com/post/blood-black-and-white-sad-suicide-my-work-self-harm-self-hate-cut-cutting-scars/43796012278

A Hole

A Hole

 

I fell into a hole

The day I let you have my soul

And I should have stepped around you

Rather than be glad I’d found you

And all the sweet selections

Those sugar cane confections

Coming floating through the air

You were so debonair

With a scent ah so divine

I wanted to be near you all the time

I just couldn’t get enough

Even though you played so rough

I liked it – I liked it

The darkness that reigned down

From your gold encrusted crown

Took me higher

I was on fire and I didn’t mind the heat

As I bowed down to your feet

Begging for more

I couldn’t understand

When you said you were my man

You took your great big hand

And held me back

Oh as I suffered for the lack

Of your touch

A touch I craved so much

Both night and day

You’d transfixed me in a way

That only you could do

I can’t rid my head of you

I keep pulling out my hair

Over a man who doesn’t care

For me this way

I fell into a hole

 

©Kay Salady

https://soundcloud.com/kay-salady/a-hole

Seeping Solitude

Seeping Solitude

Seeping solitude

Intrudes upon my solace

Melancholy me!

Lost in these shadowy pools

Reflecting disappointment

 

©Kay Salady

Crystal Charms

 

Crystal Charms

Merely candy on your arm
And a name that you’ll forget
Another teardrop charm
That you hadn’t purchased yet
The stars inside my eyes
That you’d strung wide and high
Made it hard to recognize
The smoke that made me cry
You string along your arm
Names that you forget
All those countless charms
Handfuls of regret
Wandering deaf and dumb
As I stand high and dry
Facing toward the sun
Counting reasons why
Crystals catch the rays
Aiming for my heart
Shards of brittle pain
Tearing me apart
I press them in my hands
To make me feel alive
I met with your demands
So I could survive
Those handfuls of regret
Wandering deaf and dumb
No, never purchased yet
Alone and feeling numb

©Kay Salady

Ever

Ever, Poem